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A Warm Welcome to Post-Single-Motherhood (PSM)
This website is dedicated to those of us transitioning through what I call Post-Single-Motherhood, or PSM. We are typically close to mid-life (on one side or the other) and the sole parents to 16-, 17-, 18-, 19-, even 20-year olds who are in various stages of leaving us behind.
It's as it should be, we know. We are proud as peacocks about our kids. We couldn't be happier that they've matured into productive and independent human beings. We love seeing their enthusiasm for their new "grown-up" lives and the new horizons coming their way every day.
But the pride and joy don't alleviate the new loneliness, the pangs of panic, and, at times, the overwhelming sadness.
You may feel like something is wrong with you. This is a time when you should feel like running wild through a field of sunflowers or making reservations for spa treatments and exotic trips, after all. People probably remind you of this every day full of, "Oh, lucky, lucky you!" and "You can do anything now!" and "You could travel", "You can have big adventures!", "You're F-R-R-R-E-E-E-E-E-E!!!!"
They mean well, of course. They imagine how happy you must be! Newfound freedom! It wouldn't dawn on them that all these new options could make you sad. So to those people you just smile politely and say, "Thank you". Only you need to know that you haven't figured out how to leave the house yet.
You may feel saddened by the huge sudden doses of spare time. The amount of time depends, of course, on the people in your life and where they are in their parental-life seasons. Most single mothers don't have many friends because there just hasn't been time. And, unless your friends are in the same parental predicament, you could be alone for a lot of the day. Every day. It's ironic, too, because it's time you wished for when you had none, ten years, or even one or two years, before. But now, after so many years with one mission, one focus, one direction, one life, it's time that you, for some reason, have no idea what to do with.
And how could you know, after all? Your thoughts haven't turned inward for years. You barely know yourself now - that is, your real, spiritual and intentional self, not just the mom-self that you have been.
At first, you may feel like you're back where you started from - like you're the same person you were pre-kid. But you're not. You're two decades older, give or take a few years. You've changed, but you don't know exactly how yet. You have to learn about you. You have to spend time with you and think about you. That's so new and strange that the mere thought of thinking that way feels wrong! Eventually, your complete thought processes will change. Eventually.
But for now, you can't stop thinking about your kid. And your time. And them leaving you. And you being alone. With nothing but more and more thoughts and fears about your future without them. Maybe you're in full-blown depression or going through your mid-life crisis. Or maybe it's just pesky (sarcastic ha!) perimenopause or PMS.
But it's not. It's PSM. You need time to grieve and change and breathe. Slowly.
And I want to help you throught it.
Click here or on "More about PSM" in the left-side Navigation Bar for more information.