The Time Has Come
Ms.PSMI thought I was home free. Only two weeks to go, and I really haven’t felt all that emotional. Until yesterday, that is, when he cleaned his room.
He has had a summer project to organize and purge, which he did and ended up with a pick-up truck full of stuff to donate and three lawn and leaf size bags of stuff to throw away. I saw little soccer and t-ball 
trophies poking out of one bag, but when I went to comment on not throwing his entire past away, he jumped down my throat for backpedaling.
The purging didn’t even hit me, because his room still looked like it belonged to the kid I’ve known for years.
Then, he had to go and clean it. Bed made. Clothes on hangers. Posters off walls. No junk on the computer desk or the nightstands or the armoire. No dishes or wrappers on the floor. Carpet! Hell, there were vacuum tracks.
There’s a song out there somewhere about a father who just sits in his daughter's room after she leaves. But I can’t go in there. There’s a floodgate that I’m pretty sure would take all of freshman year to plug. And I need to work.
I think I’ll make him start closing the door, though, because I know it’s just going to get worse from here, and I have a feeling I already may be taking it pretty hard.
Reader Comments (3)
I CAN read fairly well, yet I find myself studing topics like those above, wondering "am I doing this right" and often giving up the entire idea of commenting.
Anyway, I am reminded of the time we took our youngest daughter to her first year of college,,,,a five hour drive if you did it legally. We arrived back home, looked at each other thinking "This is the first time in 33 years that there had not been an offspring considering our residence a place to sleep! Awsome! For the first time since our first-born made her appearance, the nest was empty. Ten days later she was home for an othadontist appointment. And then there was another and then Thanksgiving.,,,...
Then, for some reason that I cannot remember, our son moved back; then broke his leg in a car wreck and spent most of the next year with us, encased in a full body cast that was gradually reduced to something more managable.
From that point on, I had no faith in the nest ever, ever, being empty. But it became reasonably so as the girls married, the son married and unmarried (more than once) and finally found his niche in life as a long-haul trucker.
He then came home for Mom's cooking; he once said "so much food-so little time!" knowing he only had three days and he wanted all his favorites after three or four weeks on the road.
Five years ago he had a fatal heart attack in Albuquerque . It was Dec. 20th. Then, after 66 years iof marriage, my husband passed away Dec.2, of last year.
So---the losses, the loneliness hits---as with those of you coping with a child getting all grown up and marrying or going to college, or securing a job far across country. What's the cure for this aloneness? How can there be? Just doing your best to keep to keep some semblance of your idenity as a real person instead of pouring it all iinto these children we love so dearly is the best answer I have come up with. That gives you a crutch to assist you until you can again walk alone.
Dannie!
Well, I'm glad you didn't give up the idea of commenting!!!
I want to first say how sorry I am for the loss of your son and your husband. Not only is that a feeling of alone-ness, but that's a sadness I wouldn't wish on anyone. And 66 years!! I know you're grateful for the time ya'll had and the many memories, but there is nothing that compares with that sort of change in a person's life! I think you're doing remarkably well.
Which leads me to chime in on your wise words about keeping some semblance of a personal identity throughout our lives. I didn't do that, and I had a rough PSM transition. It happened naturally - I have little to no family and we moved to Indiana in 2002, which was a great decision but probably caused more of a co-dependence on my part. Plus, I never gave much thought to the fact that he'd leave me. I knew it would happen, but I think I thought it would be fun. Everybody said so, after all. But it ended up being the opposite of fun for me! LOL.
I think it's especially hard for single moms to maintain a sense of person while they're busy taking care of daily everything and worrying and trying to feed and entertain the lil' darlings. But, you're so right - that self-awareness and time spent with ourselves would definitely alleviate some PSM symptoms!
Thank you for your great comment!! It's much appreciated. I laughed at your "Awesome!", even if it did only last 10 days. LOL!
Those empty rooms make an empty place in your heart, even when they are put to a new use.
I know of no remedy!