I Give It A Month

I was listening to my usual morning WTTS radio show the other day and DJ Paul Mendenhall mentioned that he was "off his game". He went on to explain that he was taking his two children to college for the first time that day (yes! twins! two at once! ugh!) and as much as he had complained about the television at 3am and the grocery funnel and the voices and the music, he was going to miss them something awful. Now, if a married man is saying this, you can imagine the devastation left behind for a single mother.

My famous last words when I drove away from the freshman dorm: I give it a month. Famous because it's pretty darn definite now that it's permanent. But, moving into that dorm room, I was sure he'd hate it and wouldn't last the first month. It wasn't what he was used to. It wasn't home. It was too much of a change from his, no OUR, normal life. His roommate was preachy and icky (he didn't last) and there were dueling stereos and slamming doors and confined spaces and old things and not-so-private showers and people just everywhere! But he loved it and had a ball. He moved off-campus the next year, but there he even had 9 roommates.

Funny that my dear friend who just last week moved her oldest daughter into her first dorm said the exact same thing about it not lasting. "Tayler will hate this." But when she asked her daughter to babysit for her next month (school is only 15 minutes from home), Tayler said she didn't want to because there was so much going on at school. And school hasn't even started yet!!

Dammit. Why can't they love us like they did when we sent them off to kindergarten? When they were sure to miss us and cry for us and come running off the bus and into our loving, awaiting arms for first-day-at-school milk and cookies and conversation. Stinkin' Spawn.

A lot of kids of single moms grow up to be very independent, which is a great thing until you miss 'em. I had to put my foot down on weekly check-in phone calls. Had I not set that rule at the very beginning, I still might not have heard from him. Well, except as money has been required.

Speaking of money and back to freshman dorms, what the hell? X-long twin sheets? Is that a racket or what? Where else can you use X-long twin sheets? Nowhere, that's where. So you spend all this money on these magic sheets that end up god knows where after dorm life.

I'm glad my Spawn was a boy, because my friend has also been subjected to discussions with other stranger parents about drapes and bedding and curtains and rugs. Dear Lord. My son went with clean underwear and soap. 

This year, the third year into this, Spawn has moved, all on his own, into a smaller house with only two other boys. It's more like a home of his own than ever before. At a recent dinner, we had a frank discussion about the probability that we'd never live together again. Barring dire circumstances, of course. But I'd prefer to help him financially rather than live with him now. I've become just a tad set in my ways. And I know he has no desire to live with me either. Funny how parental love changes - I still don't know when that exactly happened. 

All that to say, when you're checking them in the dorm and you drive away thinking that life will never be the same again, you're right. Feel it, grieve it, and give into it. That first month is the hardest. But it's only hard once.

Try to find a friend who might be going through the same thing, so you can talk about it and maybe even laugh about it. Where can you do that if you're like so many single moms with limited friendly resources? Why not post something on our Facebook page? At last check, we have about 80 fellow PSMers and fans of PSMers who would love to connect WITH YOU!!! Or if you're more low-key, what about starting a discussion group here?