Testing Toy Story / Pixar or Pickax to the Heart?

The Plan:

I've been told too many times that Toy Story is a must-see, so I guess I must see it. I've also heard that it's about Andy going to college. And leaving his mother and giving his toys to a little girl. I don't have high hopes that I'll get through it without a tear or two, but we shall see. I'll report back....

The Result: 

Yes, yet another tearjerker cartoon from Disney/Pixar. Nothing for the kids to cry about, though. Just the adults. Specifically, the mothers. And God bless any post-single mothers watching this movie.

Why do they keep doing this? Why must all their movies be so sad? Remember Lion King? The father dies a brutal stampede death! I will never forget comforting my 4-year-old Spawn during that scene. (He cried and cried."My eyes are leaking, my eyes are leaking!" It was horrible. His crying (not the father's brutal death - I had only been divorced from his father for a year or so at that point and often dreamed of his violent death) made me cry. And that made him cry more. Did I say it was horrible?

Toy Story 3 was about change and separations and endings. I don't understand how that's entertaining for children, but I'm sure it was necessary for the Bonnie empire to come in what will so obviously be Toy Story 4, 5, and 6.

Plus, there was a whole middle part that was fun for the kiddies, I suppose. But the beginning and the end and the entire plotline. Every time Andy was on-screen, I cried. In fact, just his room made me cry. When the mom said, "Oh Andy" looking at his empty room, I cried. But let me say here that no non-cartoon 17-year-old boy would tell his mother, "I'll always be with you." That did NOT make me cry. That just made me want to write the writers.

I cried the hardest after leaving the theater. It was like I had just relived the worst day of PSM, with all the symptoms, including crying at red lights. About two hours after the movie, while running some errands, the Universe blessed me with a flat tire, which ended my PSM funk pretty abruptly. I'm actually grateful for that annoyance.

Would I recommend Toy Story 3 to other PSMers? Nope. I just relived the most emotional time of my life and will now require some recovery time. And, it's a cartoon for God's sake. Andy didn't even have to grow up. What was the point? To be realistic? He's a C-A-R-T-O-O-N. 

What I'll remember most about Toy Story? Laughing at the army men parachuting out the window because they're "the first to go when the trash bags come out". And Big Baby. Dear God, how do you people with girls sleep with those things in the house?

What's this PSMer's final verdict: Pickax. Definitely Pickax. On a scale of 1-10, a Pickax 11.