After being a single mom 14 yrs to a 15 yr-old-son, I see clearly the day coming in just a few years when he will fly the nest. Since he was little, I always dreamed of little vacations we could take together where I could make memories for him of good times with mom; going to the beach, seeing a big city, giving him experiences that make up a 'childhood'. I was at the time, unknowingly, in a race against the clock--Throughout the years I did my best taking care of him on my own-- I was always working, working, working,... juggling money, saying 'no' a lot to make ends meet. I always managed to give him a good home, even though a simple one, while dreaming of the 'someday' when I finally saved enough, got comfortable enough with the budget, and had enough time to actually DO something I dreamed for him without jeopardizing my job. Today, with him being 15, I now am beginning to grieve. My greatest poverty has been 'Time Poverty'. When I had time, there was too little money, and when I had some money, there wasn't the flexibility with work for the time. The day is coming very quickly now- my son will not want to do anything with 'mom'; he will have want to do things with his friends, and not with just mom. There are days I have cried over the loss of my little boy, and miss him. I always thought there would be more time. But I was always wrapped up in taking care of us. I also have anger over the child support that never came which would have made these little dreams actually have happened for us. My son isn't grieving, at least he doesn't show any,... but bottled-up inside of me, I am grieving deeply over it.
Thanks for having a place to let me get this out. (wiping a tear)

Hi Gigi!!

We have so much in common!! I became single mom to my only son when he was just 15 months old. And you put it so perfectly - it is a one-track mindset being a single mom from the get-go. There's nobody to fall back on and you just don't want your child to feel that lack. So, we try to do and be everything for them!! And then. Well, then they leave us. It's exactly how it should be, but man, is it hard!!

Your post brought a tear to my eye, too. I know EXACTLY how you feel with a 15-year-old son (mine is 20 now, but 15 feels like yesterday in a lot of ways). You want the world for him, obviously!! And you sure don't want him to know how sad you are while he's growing up, finding his own way and starting to make his own life. So you have to put on a happy face. Is that how you feel sometimes? I still feel like I put on a happy face so much of the time.

I remember 15 being THE hardest age. Do you find that, too? They can't drive, so you end up having to take them to so many places ALL the time (I love your term "time poverty") and EVERY day and feeling like their taxi service! The only good thing was that my son would tell me a little about his day riding in the car. But, I remember hating that whole year and just wishing for some ME time not having to be at his beck and call. How stupid I was!! It's that whole be careful what you ask for philosophy, because when they drive, it's a whole new feeling of loss.

I sure hope connecting here helps a little. If I had known there were other folks going through what I was and am, I think I would've felt a lot less alone. (I forgot to make friends along the way - well, not really forgot, who had the time!!!)

Karen (same person as Ms. PSM here)

GiGi
I feel like i could have written your post.
I am the single parent of a 16 year old boy and i feel the same. where did the time and the chances go?
Thank you for writing it. it is nice to know I am not alone.
chris

Karen & Chris-

What a relief to discover I am not alone !!! I had held inside for such a long time what I finally came to express here. What a weight came off of me to not only be able to express my grief,--- but to actually receive responses from those who could RELATE!!. We can suport each other with understanding, compassion, and encouragement.

I know deep-down I did my best- but that clock just kept ticking endlessly; it never slows, never tires,,,, until time runs out. On a positive side, I am very proud of my young man. If I had to do it all over again, you know I would :)

I hope to hear from you both again. We can be a source of support and strength for each other. After all, we now know we are finally NOT alone :)

GiGi

Chris-

I forgot to answer one question you asked- yes, 15 IS a hard age... you are not alone in that feeling either!

GiGi