Stage One, when you become more irritable than you were in Spawn's terrible two phase. You will be driving the entire 15th year of his or her life. They are more social and more involved in school activities than ever before. You will be hoping and praying for their 16th year to come, just to give you some time to yourself. (Be careful what you ask for, as they say, eh?)
When Spawn was involved in little league or the school play, you got to watch the games and practices. Heck, they might have even waved at you a time or two. When Spawn went to a party, you got to go, too. Maybe to a different part of the house, but you still got to go. At this stage of the game, though, you’re not allowed anywhere near them in public. So, you drive them to a party, drop them off, then go home, wait for the pick-up call, then go pick them up and, finally, drive home again. Everywhere they go, you go twice. Like a cab driver. But without the pay. In fact, you're actually PAYING for the privilege - the activity, the pizza, the party gift, the uniform, the team dues, the gas, the...well, everything.
You’d think all that time in the car together would be fun. But, he's 15 and mute. And you’re so ticked off at all the driving, the last thing you want to ask about is how much fun he had at Josie’s party or Archie’s game.
But this isn’t really what makes you irritable. It’s the beginnings of uselessness. He has his learner’s permit, so often times you're in the passenger seat - a view you haven't had for 15 years. He doesn’t want you there any more than you want to be there. You’re necessary, but certainly not serving any purpose. You find yourself asking, “Don’t you have any older friends who can drive?” And when you do, the fiery-death picture of your baby and ten other kids crammed into a car with no seat belts, texting and air-drumming to the radio flashes in your head. There it is. Worry. The first sign that you’re sliding into Stage Two of PSM: Anxiety.
Symptom List
Frequent outbursts about all you're doing for them
Lots of stops at gas stations
Lots of nickel-and-diming for pizza parties and team what-nots
Lots of spreadsheet creation for next year’s unknown budget
Fatigue
Early Warning Signs
The Trip to the DMV for the learner’s permit
The passenger seat
You're out at night, but not in a good way
Therapy
You won’t have much time in Stage One, being on the road. There are times when you don’t even have time to go home between fares. Say, if the event is 30 minutes away for an hour or two. So, you could partake in some individual therapies in the car. With Wi-Fi, there’s Facebook and Twitter and things. But, face it. You’ve been out of the social loop for 15 years. The likelihood of you knowing about this stuff is pretty slim. Besides, you’re irritable. You don’t especially want to socialize.
Therefore, recommended therapy (besides talking to us, of course) involves home and something from the library. It's free and probably right on one of your ways home (these are endless, after all). And you're probably thinking that you shouldn't be spending much money, not knowing what's to become of things when Spawn turns 16. Window shopping at Amazon and Netflix are the best ways to find what you like. Know, though, that it may take a few nights to get through one movie, you being on the road and on call and all. So, look for short, uncomplicated things. (I particularly enjoyed things about other people being irritable.)