Stage Three, when Spawn is busy making plans, you're...well...not. He is even happier during his 17th year than he was in his 16th. He's a senior!! About to embark on adulthood. Dependent-on-you-for-every-dime adulthood, but still adulthood. He is planning for college (or his life) - arranging, scheduling, working, meeting, and discussing it all with friends. But not you.

The counselors at school warn the seniors these days about helicopter parents. Apparently, we’re not supposed to "hover" as they make decisions. They’re supposed to pick schools they want, and be responsible for researching, applying, visiting, and deciding all on their own. It’s a soul-searching, getting-to-know-yourself exercise, intended to be the best way for them to authentically choose what they want for their future.

I’m all for that, but what am I supposed to do while my son is busy formulating his life for the next four years? And he’s going to announce his plan when? Maybe during a TV commercial about bears and toilet paper? After all, when he tells me, it will already be done. Except for that pesky paying for it, that is.

He's gone. Not physically, but mentally, he's moved on. All thoughts are about next year and his wonderful life without you. You've become just the means to his end. You get it, and you're happy and proud, but you're also sad and a little stuck. Your new world has no answers, his world is chock full of them. But you can't let him know how sad and scared you are. It's not about you this year!

So, you are a paradox. Sad, but having to hide it. Proud, but not wanting to let go. You might not have thought this possible, but you might find yourself on the couch watching more and more reruns and trying not to think about any of it. Which is where you'll be for the next year as your hit over the head with Stage Four of PSM: Paralysis.

Symptom  List
"What are you doing now? How about now?"
"This could be good, no it’s bad, no it’s good, no it’s bad."
Happy for the free time, but don't know what to do with it
Have to hide your struggle, because they're so happy and proud of themselves
Yes, you're wonderful, but what about me?

Early Warning Signs
Solitude, but not peace
Start to feel lost
Repeatedly asking for your Spawn's plans, a calendar, anything, so you know what's going on

Therapy
Anything uncomplicated is advised. In fact, for perhaps the first time in your life, you wouldn't mind being told what to do this year, which means it might be the perfect time to get more serious about earning some extra money. It would 1) help calm the financial strain to come and 2) take your mind off your baby moving on and leaving you stuck in the past. 

Because it's free, recommended therapy (besides talking to us, of course) still involves the library. You're still scared to spend any money, so staying home is still in the cards. Online games? Too complicated. Bringing us back to movies and TV shows. Window shopping at Amazon and Netflix are the best ways to find what you like. (I particularly enjoyed things that are light-hearted and cheery. I added a couple of sleepy teas this year, because they are soothing and a fairly cheap way to feel indulgent on the toughest what-about-me days.)

And, as always, Tom Jones and babies and puppies videos on You Tube.